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And yet, even though the whole concept of it being methat'll live through all of this is so foreign, so unreal because Ididn't grow up with the idea I would be the one going through this, thereis a part of me that's willing...no make that read almost anxious to do it.Just as there's a part of me that wants to be with Connie and have herinside of me, there's also a certain desire, almost a need, to have babygrowing inside of me. Damn these female hormones, they're really messingwith my mind. At least I don't think I'm acting at all feminine on theoutside, well... other than how I walk which I can't really help now. It'sall because of how I'm built from my hips down and because of my widerpelvic bone that's necessary to accommodate the birth canal I got out ofthis deal.Sure enough and right on schedule, Monday morning of the week my firstperiod is due, my visitor made its first appearance. No cramping, nonausea and only a slight feeling of being bloated at first, then I thinkit. Tim was kind to me and helped talk me though it, being very responsive viatext, telling me how proud he was of me, and how he was glad I wanted thisso much. But I wasn't quite so sure. I was tempted to cut off thatplastic lock a number of times.I was doing some studying one night, when I got an IM from Ben. Ben is abi guy who lives just a bike ride from campus. I had a threesome with himand his girlfriend once, and when they broke up Ben and I stayed in contactand hooked up from time to time. He was 26, one of those real tall andreal skinny types. He was pretty furry, with light brown hair on his chestand belly. He was one of the first guys I was with, and his fun casualattitude made him easy to talk to, and play with. He was pretty much theonly person I could talk to about that.What's up Mark?Ben, I think I might be gay.Ugh, this again? We've beenover this. It doesn't matter, just fuck who you want. Sucking a dickdoesn't mean anything. If you come over tongith I'll prove.
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